Thursday, November 17, 2016

Chapter 6.4: Setting up Camp

Back to reality, we throw the sleeping bags on the air mattress and jump in.  Air mattresses inherently have a feedback mechanism.  It has to balance out the air load.  It’s not like a spring bed were the springs work independently of each other.  A water bed would be more in tune with an air mattress.  When you’re on one side of the air mattress your weight tries to force all the air to the other side of the mattress.  Now if you have two people on the mattress it turns into a teeter totter. You can always tell who weights the most on the mattress.  If you’re sleeping 6 inches higher then your partner, it’s not you.  I always like to get into bed first, then when Bonnie jumps in, it like a ride on Disney’s Space Mountain.  You have to hang on for dear life. 

Another problem with air mattresses is that they are made out of plastic.  Plastic and skin do not go together.  Nylon sleeping bags and plastic do not go together.  People in sleeping bags on top of air mattresses do not go together.  There is very low friction between the sleeping bag and the air mattress.  I’m constantly moving when I’m sleeping.  I like to sleep on my back, roll to the left, back to the right, on my stomach.  On a normal bed that’s no problem, but in a sleeping bag on top of an air mattress, that’s a big problem.  It’s like Houdini trying to get out of a straight jacket while hanging upside down from a rope.  If you lie perfectly still you have no problem. The air mattress is balanced just right; but as soon as you start tossing and turning, all hell breaks loose.  The sleeping bag starts twisting and turning with you because it has no friction with the air mattress.  It starts twisting around you tighter and tighter.  You start feeling more constricted.  The more constricted you feel the more you twist to get out of it.  You continue twisting faster and faster.  The air mattress starts acting as a teeter totter bouncing you and your partner in equal but opposite directions.  The more you struggle the more intense is the reaction.  You’re bouncing up and down, twisting and turning in perfect harmony with each other.  Both of you are being drawn to the center vortex of the mattress where you collide in a giant.............

            Anybody have a cigarette?


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