Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Chapter 6.2: Setting Up Camp

It’s time to pump up the air mattress. Blowing up an air mattress with my mouth isn’t my idea of a good time.  It takes an enormous amount of air to blow up an air mattress. It would take at least thirty minutes to blow it up with my lungs and that’s if I didn’t hyperventilate.  So I bought this ten dollar pump at K-Mart (sorry, the Big K) that plugs into the lighter (sorry, auxiliary port) of your car.  Just plug it in, turn on the switch and the mattress blows up in a matter of minutes.  Here we go, “HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM”(high whining sound of air pump)……….. “Turn it off, turn it off!” God is that you?  “No you idiot, its’ your wife; It's 1am in the morning, your waking everyone up.”  I had no idea that the pump was that loud.  They should have made a muffler for that pump.  Now what do I do?  There’s no way I’m sleeping on the floor of the tent, it’s hard, cold and damp.  What should I do, what should I do............?   Keep on pumping!

“Hey what’s that noise?”  “Honey turn off your vibrator!”  “What time is it?”

“HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM” (two minutes) (other campsites) “We’re trying to sleep here!”  “You’re waking my kids up!”  “What’s wrong with that guy?”  “It’s 1 AM in the morning!”

“I’m going to kill you”!  “You’re dead meat”.
 (Pleatherface)  “Where’s my chainsaw”?

Alright, alright, I’m done anyway I’ll turn it off, "click".


 Just kidding, just kidding.