As campers, we run into all sorts of wild animals; we encounter raccoons, skunks, squirrels, ground hogs, deer and even bears. But just once, wouldn’t it be nice to run into that mythical seven foot hairy beast named…….. Chewbacca (Star Wars Movie). Ok, you thought I was going to say Bigfoot, didn’t you? I would have said Bigfoot if I thought Bigfoot really existed. But where is the evidence?
Let us start off with the name “Bigfoot.” You would think they would have named him Bigfeet. After all, most mammals that walk upright need at least two feet. The problem with Bigfoot is….. he only leaves one footprint to find. And it’s always the same foot. Now unless he’s hopping on one foot….in which his name would be “One Foot Hopping Sasquatch,” he should be leaving at least two footprints behind. Where is the other foot print?
Then again, if Bigfoot could dance, he might have two left feet, which would account for the same footprint being found all the time. Now I know what you’re thinking, Bigfoot can’t dance. But ….. they can train Russian bears to dance at the circus, can’t they! I’m sure Bigfoot could bust a few moves he wanted to. He could call it “The Bigfoot Shuffle.”
Bigfoot is described being tall, hairy, very smelly, screams alot with a low forehead. I myself have four of those traits….. I won’t mention which ones. "Bonnie, did you find my deodorant yet?" Ok, I won't mention which other two I have. So I could easily be mistaken for Bigfoot, as well as any member of the NBA. Hmmmm…….Bigfoot playing basketball. I would imagine any NBA player would love to have Bigfoot on their team. He smells so bad, no one would play defense against him.
There is one tell tale sign that proves Bigfoot doesn't exist. Where is the big pile of poo Bigfoot should be leaving behind? Remember that giant bowel movement the Triceratops deposited on the ground in Jurassic Park. That's what animals do, they drop a big load. The same goes for Bigfoot. Unless he has the worst case of constipation in the world (maybe that's the reason he screams so loud), he should be pinching a big loaf somewhere, and sooner or later, someone is going to step in it. Hopefully it won't be me, I just got new sneakers.
The point is, all sightings of Bigfoot are just a case of mistaken identity, or a few too many beers. I’m willing to bet on the latter.
Camping fun with Carl signing off.