Monday, January 23, 2012

Stake Um

Carl here.  You can stake a claim, you can stake tomatoes, but always remember to stake down your tent.  Otherwise, a big gust of wind may come along and blow your tent up in the air, twirl it around and around, all while your screaming “Auntie Em, Auntie Em, Help me Auntie Em.”  Then, you end up in Munchkin Land and have to sing ♪♫ “Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road” ♪♫…… for the rest of your life.  You get the point, stake down your tent!
Tent stakes have funny names associated with them; you can buy Snow Tent Stakes, Ground Hog Stakes, and Blizzard Stakes.  Ground Hog Stakes….. really!  What exactly happens?  You pound the stake in the ground and kill a poor ground hog who was just minding his own business.  That might be alright if you’re a Beverly Hillbilly.  I’m sure Granny can cook up a nice Ground Hog stew.  But really!  And what about the Blizzard Stakes…….if you like camping during snow blizzards, maybe you should be wearing a straight jacket, and sleep in padded tent.
Tent stakes can be made of aluminum, titanium, steel or plastic.  Titanium, talk about high tech.  There must be some comfort in-knowing that the stakes that hold down your tent are made from the same material used in artificial knee joints.   “Yeah Barney, those there ti -tanium tent stakes will never, ever, corrode, and neither will my knee.”
I never had good luck with the plastic stakes.  Once you hit a few rocks, the tip of the stake starts bending…… and once that happens, you can never drive them straight in.  “A real man has to be able to drive his stakes in der straight; otherwise he ain’t no real man.  Right, Barney! “  
I prefer the old style wooden stakes, just in case there happens to be any Vampires lurking around.  Of course, I wouldn’t mind a few bites from Elvira.  Even if she is getting a little old…wait, vampires don’t age………she still has her original fangs, right…….?
Oh, I forgot to mention my favorite stake, a nice juicy T-Bone.  Bonnie, start the grill!  Ok, I’ll start the grill.
Camping fun with Carl, signing off.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Pop This!

My wife Bonnie asks the question, “Does anyone want popcorn.”  That’s a no brainer question, of course we do!  Then she pulls out a contraption to make popcorn over a campfire.  It looks like the pizza pocket maker but with a bigger box on the end.  The lid of the box has holes in it so you can see the popcorn popping.  Just put some butter on the bottom of the cast iron box, add the popcorn and hold it over the fire. It’s that simple.

 My kids love hearing popcorn pop.  Pop…………….pop………….pop…..........pop………… pop…….pop  pop  pop……..pop pop pop pop pop pop pop ….pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop………pop pop……..pop………………….pop.  You get the point, or the “Pop.”

My kids also enjoy eating popcorn.  The more butter and salt, the more they enjoy it.  I know what you’re thinking, bad parents.  But what do they really have to worry about; by the time they’re my age, there will be a cure for hypertension and obesity anyway.  Let them indulge.

I also love the taste of popcorn.  It’s the eating part I don’t like.  It’s one of those foods you end up paying a price for, not money wise, torment wise.  You know what I’m talking about, those tiny cellulose kernel fibers getting stuck in-between your teeth.  You twist and curl your tongue trying to extricate the kernel.  The edge of the kernel then cuts into your tongue with vengeance for daring to dislodge it without its permission.  The tongue finally says enough, as you use your fingers, tooth picks and dental floss to disentangle the obstinate intruder. Finally, it releases from its lodged position and finds its second new home to hide; under your tongue. 

Once again your tongue is waged in vicious battle as the kernel cuts into the underside of its flesh.  Your tongue surrenders for a second time as you jab your fingers into the soft flesh hiding space, trying desperately to remove the invader once and for all.  As a last ditch effort, you summon all the salvia you can muster and try to wash the stubborn kernel from under its hiding place.  It somehow works, as the kernel is swept into its third resting place, the back of your throat.  Now it’s your throats turn to react violently as the tenacious invader now irritates its soft lining.  You try coughing it out, gagging it out, flushing it out, nothing seems to work. Then in an single instant, it is gone, never to inflict torment on you again. It found its final resting place, in your stomach. 

Do you dare bite into another handful of popcorn, sure!  There is an unknown ingredient in popcorn that affects your short term memory. The second you’re done choking on that kernel, your mind erases it from your memory and you’re ready for the next handful.  It’s the way it has to be, for popcorn to survive all these years. Mother Nature always protects all its siblings!

Camping fun with Carl, signing off.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy New Year !

Carl here.  I just wanted to say "Happy New Year" to all my camping buddies out there.

And to all my Russian followers "S Novin Godomr."

And last but not least, "Ein Gutes Neues Jahr" to all my German followers.

I made it easier to post comments on my blog.  I would really love to read your comments from all over the globe.

Camping fun with Carl, signing off.