Monday, March 31, 2014

Chapter 5.2: On the Road Again (Con't)

After the first hour of driving I snap out of it and I’m wide awake and alert.  The mental check list starts scrolling again.  What did I forget to do?  What did I forget to bring?  I know I’m forgetting something.  Oh well; “Continue on course Mr. Sulu.”  

The kids usually behave well for the first hour and then boredom starts setting in.  I start hearing voices in the back seat:  “You’re sitting to close to me; stop looking at me; quit touching me.”  Oh great, the kids are starting to act up, just what I didn’t need. 

I turn around to find out its’ Nana, my mother –in- law.  She’s causing the entire ruckus.  I just can’t get any breaks.  I know it was bound to happen sooner or later.  Nanas’ like the Big Bang, everything was nice and quiet and then boooooooooommmmmmmm.  She sets the kids in motion, a constantly expanding universe of fighting, crying, laughing, poking, screaming, hair pulling and normal kid stuff.  Unfortunately it’s the kind of stuff that drives parents crazy.  If only the Super Nanny was here. 

Why wasn’t the Super Nanny around twenty years ago when I needed her?  Neither were Dr. Phil, Dr Laura, and Dr. Ruth.  All right, forget Dr. Ruth, she told you how to make kids, not how to raise them.  How did we manage back then to raise kids without all this professional help?   Pretty well I think.  We learned to raise kids from our parents.  Not from some celebrity doctor. 

My father had a good way of managing kids on a car trip.  He would lead us in a sing-a-long.  But he didn’t sing any old short songs like “The Farmer in the Dell” or “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star;” No, he always picked the song that lasted so long we would all become tired and fall asleep. My father made us sing the song of all songs, the song you sing on long car rides, the ultimate beer drinking song, “One Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” 

He also taught us how to tell time…. that didn’t go quite as well.  We’re all still in therapy, some twenty years later after that lesson. But I can tell you the time of day in any city, here or abroad, without even looking at a watch.  Anyway, the song stayed with me and I passed it on to my kids.  It goes something like this.

♪♫ “One hundred bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-eight bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety-seven bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety-seven bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-seven bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety-six bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety-six bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-six bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety-five bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety-five bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-five bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety-four bottles of beer on the wall.  Nine-four bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-four bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety-three bottles of beer on the wall. ♫♫ Ninety-three bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-three bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety-two bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety-two bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-two bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety-one bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety-one bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-one bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, ninety bottles of beer on the wall.  Ninety bottles of beer on the wall, ninety bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighty-nine bottles of beer on the wall.  Eighty-nine bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-nine bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighty-eighty bottles of beer on the wall.  Eighty-eight bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-eight bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighty -seven bottles of beer on the wall. Eighty-seven bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-seven bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighty-six bottles of beer on the wall.  Eighty-six bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-six bottles of beer,if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighty-five bottles of beer on the wall.  Eighty-five bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-five bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighty-four bottles of beer on the wall.  Eighty-four bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-four bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighty-three bottles of beer on the wall.  Eighty-three bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-three bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighty-two bottles of beer on the wall.  ♪♫ Eighty-two bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-two bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighty-one bottles of beer on the wall.  Eighty-one bottles of beer on the wall, eighty-one bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighty bottles of beer on the wall.  Eighty bottles of beer on the wall, eighty bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, seventy-nine bottles of beer on the wall.  Seventy-nine bottles of beer on the wall, seventy-nine bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, seventy-eight bottles of beer on the wall. ♪♫ Seventy - eight bottles of beer on the wall, seventy-eight bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, seventy-seven bottles of beer on the wall.  Seventy-seven bottles of beer on the wall, seventy-seven bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, seventy-six bottles of beer on the wall.  Seventy-six bottles of beer on the wall, seventy-six bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, seventy-five bottles of beer on the wall. Seventy -five bottles of beer on the wall, seventy-five bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, seventy-four bottles of beer on the wall. Seventy-four bottles of beer on the wall, seventy-four bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, seventy-three bottles of beer on the wall. Seventy-three bottles of beer on the wall, seventy-three bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, seventy-two bottles of beer on the wall.  Seventy-two bottles of beer on the wall, seventy-two bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, seventy-one bottles of beer on the wall.  Seventy-one bottles of beer on the wall, seventy-one bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, sixty-nine bottles of beer on the wall.  Sixty-nine bottles of beer on the wall, sixty-nine bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, sixty-eight bottles of beer on the wall.  Sixty-eight bottles of beer on the wall, sixty-eight bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, sixty-seven bottles of beer on the wall.  Sixty-seven bottles of beer on the wall, sixty- seven bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, sixty-six bottles of beer on the wall.  ♪♫Sixty-six bottles of beer on the wall, sixty-six bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, sixty-five bottles of beer on the wall.  Sixty-five bottles of beer on the wall, sixty-five bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, sixty-four bottles of beer on the wall.  Sixty-four bottles of beer on the wall, sixty-four bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, sixty-three bottles of beer on the wall.  ♪♫♪♫ Sixty- three bottles of beer on the wall, sixty-three bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, sixty-two bottles of beer on the wall.  Sixty-two bottles of beer on the wall, sixty-two bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, sixty-one bottles of beer on the wall.  Sixty-one bottles of beer on the wall, sixty-one bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, sixty bottles of beer on the wall.  Sixty bottles of beer on the wall, sixty bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fifty-nine bottles of beer on the wall.  Fifty-nine bottles of beer on the wall, fifty-nine bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fifty-eight bottles of beer on the wall.  Fifty-eight bottles of beer on the wall, fifty-eight bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fifty -seven bottles of beer on the wall.  Fifty-seven bottles of beer on the wall, fifty-seven bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fifty-six bottles of beer on the wall.  Fifty- six bottles of beer on the wall, fifty-six bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fifty -five bottles of beer on the wall. ♪♪♪ Fifty - five bottles of beer on the wall, fifty - five bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fifty -four bottles of beer on the wall.  Fifty-four bottles of beer on the wall, fifty-four bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fifty- three bottles of beer on the wall.  Fifty-three bottles of beer on the wall, fifty- three bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fifty-two bottles of beer on the wall.  Fifty-two bottles of beer on the wall, fifty-two bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fifty-one bottles of beer on the wall.  Fifty-one bottles of beer on the wall, fifty-one bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fifty bottles of beer on the wall.  Fifty bottles of beer on the wall, fifty bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, forty -nine bottles of beer on the wall.  Forty -nine bottles of beer on the wall, forty -nine bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, forty-eight bottles of beer on the wall.    Forty-eight bottles of beer on the wall, forty-eight bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, forty -seven bottles of beer on the wall. ♫♪♫ Forty-seven bottles of beer on the wall, forty-seven bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, forty-six bottles of beer on the wall.  Forty-six bottles of beer on the wall, forty-six bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, forty-five bottles of beer on the wall.  Forty-five bottles of beer on the wall, forty-five bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, forty -four bottles of beer on the wall.  Forty-four bottles of beer on the wall, forty-four bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, forty -three bottles of beer on the wall.  Forty-three bottles of beer on the wall, forty-three bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, forty-two bottles of beer on the wall.  Forty - two bottles of beer on the wall, forty-two bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, forty-one bottles of beer on the wall.  Forty-one bottles of beer on the wall, forty - one bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, forty bottles of beer on the wall. ♫♪ Forty bottles of beer on the wall, forty bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, thirty-nine bottles of beer on the wall.  Thirty-nine bottles of beer on the wall, thirty -nine bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, thirty-eight bottles of beer on the wall.  Thirty-eight bottles of beer on the wall, thirty-eight bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, thirty-seven bottles of beer on the wall.  Thirty-seven bottles of beer on the wall, thirty-seven bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, thirty-six bottles of beer on the wall.  Thirty-six bottles of beer on the wall, thirty-six bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, thirty-five bottles of beer on the wall. ♪♫Thirty-five bottles of beer on the wall, thirty-five bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, thirty -four bottles of beer on the wall.  Thirty-four bottles of beer on the wall, thirty-four bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, thirty -three bottles of beer on the wall.  Thirty-three bottles of beer on the wall, thirty-three bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, thirty-two bottles of beer on the wall.  Thirty-two bottles of beer on the wall, thirty-two bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, thirty -one bottles of beer on the wall.  Thirty-one bottles of beer on the wall, thirty-one bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, thirty bottles of beer on the wall.  Thirty bottles of beer on the wall, thirty bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, twenty-nine bottles of beer on the wall.  Twenty-nine bottles of beer on the wall, twenty -nine bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, twenty -eight bottles of beer on the wall.  ♫♪♫ Twenty-eight bottles of beer on the wall, twenty-eight bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, twenty-seven bottles of beer on the wall.  Twenty-seven bottles of beer on the wall, twenty-seven bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, twenty-six bottles of beer on the wall. Twenty-six bottles of beer on the wall, twenty-six bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, twenty-five bottles of beer on the wall.  Twenty-five bottles of beer on the wall, twenty-five bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, twenty -four bottles of beer on the wall.  Twenty-four bottles of beer on the wall, twenty-four bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, twenty-three bottles of beer on the wall.  Twenty-three bottles of beer on the wall, twenty- three bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, twenty -one bottles of beer on the wall.  Twenty-one bottles of beer on the wall, twenty - one bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, twenty bottles of beer on the wall.  Twenty bottles of beer on the wall, twenty bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, nineteen bottles of beer on the wall.  Nineteen bottles of beer on the wall, nineteen bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighteen bottles of 
beer on the wall. ♪♫ Eighteen bottles of beer on the wall, eighteen bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, seventeen bottles of beer on the wall.  Seventeen bottles of beer on the wall, seventeen bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, sixteen bottles of beer on the wall. Sixteen bottles of beer on the wall, sixteen bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fifteen bottles of beer on the wall.  Fifteen bottles of beer on the wall, fifteen bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, fourteen bottles of beer on the wall.  Fourteen bottles of beer on the wall, fourteen bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, thirteen bottles of beer on the wall.  Thirteen bottles of beer on the wall, thirteen bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, twelve bottles of beer on the wall.  Twelve bottles of beer on the wall, twelve bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eleven bottles of beer on the wall. .  Eleven bottles of beer on the wall, eleven bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, ten bottles of beer on the wall. ♫♪ Ten bottles of beer on the wall, ten bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, nine bottles of beer on the wall. . Ten bottles of beer on the wall, ten bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, nine bottles of beer on the wall. . Ten bottles of beer on the wall, ten bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, nine bottles of beer on the wall. . Nine bottles of beer on the wall, nine bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, eight bottles of beer on the wall. . ♫♪♫ Eight bottles of beer on the wall, eight bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, seven bottles of beer on the wall. . Seven bottles of beer on the wall, seven bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, six bottles of beer on the wall. . Six bottles of beer on the wall, six bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, five bottles of beer on the wall. . Five bottles of beer on the wall, five bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, four bottles of beer on the wall. . Four bottles of beer on the wall, four bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, three bottles of beer on the wall. . ♪♪ Three bottles of beer on the wall, three bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, two bottles of beer on the wall. . Two bottles of beer on the wall, two bottles of beer, if just one of those bottles should happen to fall, one bottles of beer on the wall. . One bottle of beer on the wall, one bottle of beer, if just one bottle should happen to fall, there’s no--- more---- bottles---- of---- beer---- on---- the---- waaallllllllllllll.” ♪♫♪♪♪♫♪


You skipped ahead didn’t you!!!!!!!

 

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