Chapter 7.2: Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head (con't)

                                                         

                                                                  Day 1 

Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, “It’s getting worse again.”  Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, “Stop jumping on the air mattress,” heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, “I’m never going camping again!” Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, 9 AM, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, “Hey look, there’s a big spider in here!”  Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain,“Screeeeaaaaammmmmmm, kill the spider, kill the spider!” Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, “Alicia quit screaming, it’s only a little spider.” Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, “I hate spiders daddy.”  Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, “Let’s all play a game, how about Candy Land?”  Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, “I hate games.”  Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, “Can I go first?”  Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, “No, I want to go first.”  Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, “Chris is cheating!”   Heavy  rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain. “If you don’t quit fighting were stopping this game.”  Heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, 10 AM, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain, heavy rain,

There’s not much to do in a tent when it’s raining this bad.  Unless the kids aren't around, then
 "♫♪ we can do, like they do, on the Discovery channel ♫♪." Oh, that's how we got the kids in the first place, forget that....time to read a book.

 When I was a kid I just loved to look out into the rain and just start daydreaming.  The sound of the rain hitting the ground was hypnotic to me.  To this day I still drift off into REM sleep when I hear the patter, patter, patter of  rain  hitting   the     ground.

Chapter 7.1: Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head

                                           Day 1

Now the rain really started pouring down.  Pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, 

 "It’s stopping…………. no it’s not"………

pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, , " It’s stopping again…………. no it’s not"…

pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, 7 AM, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, “The weatherman said it wasn’t supposed to rain,” pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, “This sucks!” pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain,  “Boys quit fighting!” pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain,  “Anything to eat? I’M hungry!” pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain,

 “Boys if you don’t quit fighting!” Pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain, pouring rain.

Light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain,  light rain,  light rain,  

“It looks like it stopping.”  Light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, “Mommy, Tony ‘s throwing thing at me.” Light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain,

8 AM, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, “Stop hitting your sister!” Light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, light rain, “When is this going to ever going to end?”

Chapter 7: Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

                                       Day 1   

Tha ---------Tha----Tha----- Tha, Tha, Tha.  My eyes tiredly open from a less than restful sleep.  My brain barely functioning declares, what’s that noise.  My mind fog starts dissipating as my eyesight sharpens, reality finally sets in: Oh crap it’s raining.  “Rain” I thought to myself would be my worst case scenario for this weekend.  I had no idea what lied ahead.

I decided to try rolling off the air mattress so I wouldn’t wake Bonnie up.  No sooner had I rolled off, she hit the deck and woke up.  Apparently most the air came out of the mattress during the night. That’s the second problem with air mattresses, they always loose air.  “What’s the matter” Bonnie said?  “I’ll show you” I said as I unzipped the door.

Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain,

rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain,

rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, “Make sure nothing touches the side of the tent” Bonnie yells.

 “What are you talking about,” I replied.  “If anything touches the side of the tent water will start coming in.”  My first reaction was, yeah right!  It sounded pretty farfetched.  I’m not the kind of guy who never listens to his wife.  I’m the kind of guy who once in a while listens to his wife.  I could have easily just blew it off as a “she doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” but being the loving understanding husband that I am, I looked at it from a scientific viewpoint.  The tent is made from tightly woven canvas with very little air space between the threads. The water droplets just glide over the air gaps.  Now if something pushes against the tent from the inside, that gap widens enough to let the water molecules pass thru it into the tent.  Oh darn, she’s right for the second time in our marriage.  The first time she was right was when she married me.  Maybe I’ll call Myth Busters on this one; I don’t want her to be right more than once. Alright kids listen to your mother, don’t touch the tent.  We don’t want to build an Ark in here.  

Chapter 6.4: Setting up Camp

Back to reality, we throw the sleeping bags on the air mattress and jump in.  Air mattresses inherently have a feedback mechanism.  It has to balance out the air load.  It’s not like a spring bed were the springs work independently of each other.  A water bed would be more in tune with an air mattress.  When you’re on one side of the air mattress your weight tries to force all the air to the other side of the mattress.  Now if you have two people on the mattress it turns into a teeter totter. You can always tell who weights the most on the mattress.  If you’re sleeping 6 inches higher then your partner, it’s not you.  I always like to get into bed first, then when Bonnie jumps in, it like a ride on Disney’s Space Mountain.  You have to hang on for dear life. 

Another problem with air mattresses is that they are made out of plastic.  Plastic and skin do not go together.  Nylon sleeping bags and plastic do not go together.  People in sleeping bags on top of air mattresses do not go together.  There is very low friction between the sleeping bag and the air mattress.  I’m constantly moving when I’m sleeping.  I like to sleep on my back, roll to the left, back to the right, on my stomach.  On a normal bed that’s no problem, but in a sleeping bag on top of an air mattress, that’s a big problem.  It’s like Houdini trying to get out of a straight jacket while hanging upside down from a rope.  If you lie perfectly still you have no problem. The air mattress is balanced just right; but as soon as you start tossing and turning, all hell breaks loose.  The sleeping bag starts twisting and turning with you because it has no friction with the air mattress.  It starts twisting around you tighter and tighter.  You start feeling more constricted.  The more constricted you feel the more you twist to get out of it.  You continue twisting faster and faster.  The air mattress starts acting as a teeter totter bouncing you and your partner in equal but opposite directions.  The more you struggle the more intense is the reaction.  You’re bouncing up and down, twisting and turning in perfect harmony with each other.  Both of you are being drawn to the center vortex of the mattress where you collide in a giant.............

            Anybody have a cigarette?

            Goodnight!

Chapter 6.3: Setting up Camp

I guess the kids are going to sleep on the floor.  I don’t want to take a chance on inflating another air mattress.  Plus I’m allergic to chainsaw dismemberment. 

I will get the sleeping bags out of the car and throw them into the tent.  All the other stuff can wait till tomorrow.  Maybe I’ll sit by the fire for a while and then call it a night. 

There is nothing quite like sitting by a camp fire, having a few beers and shooting the shi….. having intellectual conversation.  Camp fires in general have a soothing hypnotic effect which makes you calm and relaxed.  Add a beer or two and you’re calmer and more relaxed.  Add a few more beers and Quantum physics takes over. A parallel universe takes hold which transforms you into a loud, rude, obnoxious individual who’s on the way to jail.  Luckily this was only a two beer camp fire, no police or physicists were needed.

The only reason this was a two beer camp fire was because Barry’s’ friend Skip had not shown up yet.  He would have defiantly changed it to the parallel universe scenario.  Skip is one of those people you need to get the party rolling.  Don’t get me wrong he’s not an alcoholic; he just likes to have a good time.  Bonnie’s sister Barbara, her husband and kids are supposed to be here tomorrow.  It’s the calm before the storm, and the storm is coming tomorrow.  I better get some sleep. 

The inside of a tent is pretty dark at night so Bonnie bought this battery operated tent light that hangs on the inside of the tent.  Just turn it on and walla, light.  You could just use a flashlight but the tent light is more convenient.  The only real problem is bugs; just make sure the tent door is zippered shut before you turn the light on. You don’t want to attract mosquitoes and flies into the tent.  They’re attracted to that light like a “Biggest Loser” contestant to a 16 oz. T-bone steak.  If you ever slept with a mosquito in your room you know what I’m talking about.  I don’t know what’s worse the buzzing or the biting.  Flies are just as bad, especially the ones with human heads, “help me, help me.”

Luckily the country air zapped the energy out of my kids so they went to sleep without any problems.  Now it’s our turn.  An air mattress is one luxury item that attempts to bring the feel of your real bed into your tent.  Unfortunately it comes up short when it comes to comfort; unless the girl on the air mattress box comes with it, then it would be plenty comfortable.  I’m not sure the air mattress is big enough for Bonnie, me and the girl on the box.  One of us is going to have to sleep on the floor; any guesses? 

Chapter 6.2: Setting Up Camp

It’s time to pump up the air mattress. Blowing up an air mattress with my mouth isn’t my idea of a good time.  It takes an enormous amount of air to blow up an air mattress. It would take at least thirty minutes to blow it up with my lungs and that’s if I didn’t hyperventilate.  So I bought this ten dollar pump at K-Mart (sorry, the Big K) that plugs into the lighter (sorry, auxiliary port) of your car.  Just plug it in, turn on the switch and the mattress blows up in a matter of minutes.  Here we go, “HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM”(high whining sound of air pump)……….. “Turn it off, turn it off!” God is that you?  “No you idiot, its’ your wife; It's 1am in the morning, your waking everyone up.”  I had no idea that the pump was that loud.  They should have made a muffler for that pump.  Now what do I do?  There’s no way I’m sleeping on the floor of the tent, it’s hard, cold and damp.  What should I do, what should I do............?   Keep on pumping!

“HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM” (one minute later) (other campsites shouting)

“Hey what’s that noise?”  “Honey turn off your vibrator!”  “What time is it?”

“HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM” (two minutes) (other campsites) “We’re trying to sleep here!”  “You’re waking my kids up!”  “What’s wrong with that guy?”  “It’s 1 AM in the morning!”

“HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM” (three minutes) (other campsites)

“I’m going to kill you”!  “You’re dead meat”.

 (Pleatherface)  “Where’s my chainsaw”?

Alright, alright, I’m done anyway I’ll turn it off, "click".

"Click",             “HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM”

 "Click" 

 Just kidding, just kidding. 

Chapter 6.1: Setting Up Camp

Time to get it up... no, not that, I'm talking about the tent.  It’s so dark out I’d better get the lantern. I could have just turned my headlights on but that’s a little disrespectful to the other campers.  I get the Coleman lantern out which took ten minutes to find,  I put it on the ground and just stare at it.  I know what happened the last time I tried to light it, baa voommmmmm.  Here I go again, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, pump, turn the knob to full, turn the lever to light,

Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

I bring the flint towards the mantles… sparks start flying as I turn the little wheel. The sweat is dripping off my forehead in anticipation,

Baaaa voommmmmmmmmmm flames everywhere.

“CARL, TURN DOWN THE BIG KNOB” a voice says. “God, is that you,” I said. “No you idiot, it’s your Brother in Law. Turn down the big knob!”  Oh yeah, so I start turning down the knob and whalla, light.  “Let there be light, let there be light,” I kept repeating.  It’s a powerful feeling to create light out of darkness. 

So Barry, can you give me a hand setting up the tent.  ‘Which one, left or right,” he replies.  That would have been funny three hours ago but not at 1AM.  “By the way, do you have any extra stakes with you?”  “Extra steaks, didn’t you bring your own food?”  I asked for that answer, no not those kinds of steaks, tent stakes!  “I left all my tent stakes at home and I have no way of staking the tent down.”  “How many do you need” Barry replied?  “Sixteen” I said.  “Sixteen, all I have is two.”  I was hoping he would have at least four, but two is going to have to do. I’ll just find a couple of tree branches to use for one side of the tent.  Just as long as I stake down the corners I should be alright for the night.  Tomorrow I can find a store and buy a couple more. 

The first thing I do is lay down the tarp exactly where I want the tent to be.  Then I throw the tent right in the middle of the tarp.  I start unfolding the tent making sure the door of the tent faces the road.  It’s just a matter of staking down the tent and up it goes.  With this size tent you need at least two people to put it up.  “Barry, Barry, where are you Barry?”  Barry just turned into Houdini, he disappeared.  I better go to the next “B”.  “Bonnie, get over here and help me!”  “Quiet, everyone is sleeping” Bonnie says.  It must be nice to able to sleep, but I got this giant tent to put up.  Grab a pole and let’s get going!  “I’ll grab your pole and rip it off if you don’t stop yelling at me.” Why do woman always have to go there? 

By the way Bonnie where’s your mother sleeping.  “She’s sleeping right next to you dear”.  “You are kidding,” I replied.  “Just don’t sleep on your side” Bonnie added; “she likes to spoon”.  “Only kidding dear, she’s sleeping in Barry’s’ tent”.  “Thank goodness” I said to myself; I didn’t want any coat hangers puncturing my air mattress. 

After a few more minutes of verbal sparring the tent was up and ready.  Did you notice I did not say up and steady?  With only two stakes and two branches holding the tent down the slightest wind could blow it down just like Humpty Dumpty.  I don’t what to wake up with egg all over my face.